My Name is Boman Irani

Actor Boman Irani shared the story of his life with Rotarians

HAVING played a number of roles on screen, carrying some of the finest characters with ease and making everyone laugh: ‘it is never too late to start’ rings true with the 59-year-young actor Boman Irani. Luxury, big hotels, big budget films, great fame, Boman has it all. But it did not come that easy. From childhood to fame, the actor delivered a fine performance for members of the Rotary Club of Bombay and kept them in thrall.

“I never take anything for granted. The reason: I was sitting on a flight. Someone spotted me and got very excited. He told the guy he was on the phone with, ‘My most favourite actor on the phone is here – wait, I will make you talk to him’. He then bent over to me and asked, ‘Bhaisaab, what is your name?’ Aetlo kachro thai gayo zindagi ma. Since then, I always introduce myself. My name is Boman Irani and I am an actor.”

The introduction warmed Rotarians’ heart and Boman was allowed to speak for a good 50 minutes instead of the standard 20 minutes. “I was born in December 1959 and my father had passed away in May 1959. So I came into this world surrounded by women: my mother, three sisters, five maasis, four kakis and all female cousins. I didn’t know any species other than female and one day, when an uncle from the neighbourhood came and shouted at me, I nearly peed in my pants. Everybody always felt sorry for me, Bicharo Boman (Poor Boman) was my nickname.”

Boman then shared that he had a speech defect much like his in on-screen avatar in 3 Idiots – a stutter, a stammer and a squeaky voice. As people laughed at him, Boman decided not to open his mouth. That way, no one would know what was wrong with him.

Boman narrated a memory of his mother taking him to St. Mary’s School for admissions. “Father Malloy, a wonderful person, placed me on his lap (which is not allowed these days, just by the way),” joked Boman and continued, “he told my mother that I would get into St. Mary’s School but he would ask me to identify some animals, as a formality. There I was! Never opened my mouth too much! He showed me the photo of a horse, and I did not answer that question because he would know my problem.”

“My mum, like any Parsi mum, was pinching my bum. Father said, ‘Don’t worry,’ and he showed me a photo of mouse. I didn’t answer. Needless to say, I didn’t get admission in St Mary’s. My mother cried in the taxi and asked me why did I not open my mouth? Ten days later, Father Malloy called my mother and said that they had decided I was just nervous and she should send me to St Mary’s and they would make a man out of me.” That’s how Boman got admission in to school.

Boman was dyslexic and dyscalculic, he says. “I am not charging for this either!” The actor thanked actor Aamir Khan for doing the film Taare Zameen Par as it brought to light how important and prevalent dyslexia is in our society. Boman believes in teaching children to be good human beings and in telling them to score 98 per cent.

“My mother realised this and sent me to art classes, dance classes, drama classes. She used to send me to watch movies every day. There was one movie I watched for 35 times, Barbara Streisand’s Funny Girl. The opening shot was Barbara Streisand walking into the new Amsterdam Theatre, New York and the crowd is going inside from the main entrance. But what fascinated me was Barbara entering the dark little alley from the artist entrance. That’s what I wanted to do.”

According to Boman, “Every person in this world has a want, if you don’t have a want, your story is not worth telling.” Cut to after Boman passed the 10th standard and did not know what he had to do. “I said I’ll be comfortable as a waiter, I like greeting people, smiling at people. So, where do I go? Reach for the stars and you land up on the tree – that is my theory. So, I went to the best hotel in India, here, the Taj Mahal Hotel.”

“I prepared myself for the interview and turned myself out nicely. He asked, ‘You want a job here? Which department?’ Main bhi style ma boluyu, ‘Food and beverage!’ He said, ‘Idiot, the whole hotel is about food and beverage, which department?’ I said, ‘Rendezvous, rooftop restaurant. ‘You want to start from the top floor? Go to the basement.’ I walked around the Taj Mahal hotel for months and months, and walked every single passage. I get so proud and nostalgic when I come here – I go and hug all the boys around.”

“When I decided to become a waiter, I went to my granny and said, ‘Maaiji, I want to become a waiter.’ She said, ‘ha dikra, par duniya ni best waiter banje naitoh kattod na.’ The fact of the matter is, today, I am standing here, but my grandma came from Iran on a donkey and delivered my dad in a tent. This is where we come from. Never forget your background.”

Boman then went on to share anecdotes of his first five rupee tip on a nine rupee tea and calling his mom from a PCO and saying ‘Bicharo Boman made five bucks’. All of it went in the piggy bank. “Finally, I did reach the Rendezvous. Some time passed by, and my mother calls me and said, ‘I met with an accident’. I went home she asked me to sit at the shop. We had a wafer shop which required us to buy potatoes, wash them, cut them, dry them and fry them in a big bhatti all by ourselves. I worked there for 14 years. That is where I met my wife Zenobia, got married at the age of 25 and became a dad at 26. That was when they started calling me Boman ‘Seth’.” But that was not a good thing.

Why? “I had just inherited my father’s business and worked hard. It was seven years and I realised that I still could not take my family out for a holiday. I had not stepped out of Mumbai after my wedding, two kids and no holiday. So I had to work harder and take them for a holiday. After all, whatever we do, we do it for our family. I looked up the classifieds and found a hotel in Ooty.”

How? “I broke my Taj wala piggy bank and bought a manual camera and started taking photographs of school sports events. I would combine school and sports events and started to sell photos of cricket, motocross, athletic events, for Rs. 25 to mommies. I made some money and we went to Ooty. Trainbus- rickshaw and we reached the hotel. Full family, hand-in-hand – only the hotel looked straight out of a Ramsay horror movie. My wife gave me a look, and quick thinking made me say, ‘it is a heritage site, it will be better from the inside.’ It was worse, it did not get any better.” Boman says he cried as he had not wished his family trip to be like this. “Sometimes, your confidence rises even with the clothes you wear; you walk the walk and talk the talk.”

Coming back to Mumbai, Boman decided to up his game and eyed the Olympic Boxing event which was coming to India. He believes, every time you achieve a want, you have to have a new want. Boman went to Aspi Adajania and said, “I want to be the official photographer of the Olympics. ‘We don’t need photographs. Thank you! Bye!’ said Aspi.” But Boman had made up his mind. He went back and said that he had a deal: “I will make coffee, I will type, I will sell tickets, whatever you want, but I need a badge. When the Olympians come, I want to be standing in the ring clicking photographs.’ He said, ‘ok we will think about it. Have you ever taken a photo of a boxing match?’ I said, ‘No.’ He then said the same thing that Sambhara said, ‘Pay the dues’.”

“I went looking for boxing tournaments, western India boxing, the worst boxing you would ever see. Thin guys, and I was like marri gaya. I have to take Olympic-level photographs, how will I take photographs of this? Then I put my head together and thought, if this is what is in my arsenal, then I am going to make the best of it. So I went on the tarafa. The difference was that they were comfortable, their pictures were going to be printed anyway, they did not have to fight for anything.”

“I took some seven pictures, got them developed and put them in an envelope. My heart was thumping while handing the envelope to Aspi. He put it in a drawer and *thadak*, shut it.”

“This was not the screenplay I had written in the night. Aspi handed me another envelope. In it was a letter that read: ‘you have been appointed as the official photographer for the Olympics.’ He said he could see it in my eyes. Sometimes, that is all it takes.”

“I became a professional photographer, took a personal loan and opened a studio. Bad move, for two years I did not have work. I didn’t pay my dues just because I worked somewhere for three months. I didn’t have money even for my rice plate, or to put petrol in my scooter. And I kept wondering, is this over? Zenobia once walked in and gave me her jewellery to sell off. She said, ‘I don’t want you to be unhappy. This jewellery will not make me pretty, you are a happy guy, chase your dream, do what you do, smile and when you smile, I will smile and maybe I will look pretty.”

Strangely enough, things changed when Shiamak Davar once walked in Boman’s studio. And he started doing a lot of shoots, from Miss India to Raymond, to everything. “Shiamak took me to Alyque Padmasee to audition in a play. My first role was a three and a half minute role, I was of a pimp. I danced and rehearsed for that, it was amazing. My mother was going around and asking how was my son? And everybody was, like, ‘your son?’ She would say, ‘The pimp’. Very embarrassing. But I got a pimp song, and started dancing and the audience were clapping. I loved it: the sound, the lights. Shiamak had gone somewhere so Arshad Warsi became the choreographer. He called me on stage and something important happened. I entered from the artist’s entrance that day.”

“Then came Rahul D’Cunha. He asked me to rehearse for ‘I Am Not Bajirao’. I thought, who would like to hear about a Parsi and a Maharashtrian sitting and talking of their pains, aches, arthritis, glaucoma and sex life? We got an opening at Tata Theatre and, for some reason, the 1200-seater was houseful. The play that was supposed to run for only three shows ran for 10 long years.”

“Then Feroze Khan approached me for Gandhi in Mahatma vs Gandhi. After that, another person walked in to my life and said, ‘we are gonna make an experimental movie.’ And I was like marri gaya, wapas experimental. He said, ‘we are going to write this movie together, it might take a year or year and a half. We will shoot it in eight days on a handycam, the worst camera in the world.’ We wrote, rehearsed and shot it in eight days. It was called Let’s Talk. I ask the director when we would release it and he said, ‘I forgot to tell you, we were never going to release it. We made it for you, me, our friends and to ease the time passing by.’

“We had a premier where 12 people saw it and we got a standing ovation of one, we applauded ourselves. No one saw that movie except one guy in the edit studio who was making his own blockbuster. He asked about me and when I went, he gave me a two lakh rupee cheque and said it was for his next film. Eight months later he called me with Munnabhai MBBS. I hated the name and asked about the plot. He said, ‘Ek gunda hai, doctor banna chahta hai.’ And I was like this is the worst story I have heard in my life. He told me, ‘Tu ek doctor hai and purey picture mein hastey rehta hai.’ That was my role.

He asked me to meet an assistant named Raju, and I was like ‘gayi meri pehli movie’. I sat for a six-hour narration and it was beautiful. I said if even 20 per cent off what you have narrated comes on screen, we have got it. It was to be Vivek Oberoi’s debut film, he was training for it. But he walked out, Aishwarya walked out, Shah Rukh wanted in but he got a spinal problem, Kajol walked out, Tabu too. Only I was there because I had been paid 2 lakh rupees already. My debut was not taking off. Finally we found a 44-year-old school boy Sanjay Dutt. We shot the movie in record time and with a record budget.”

“Nobody wanted to produce the film, nobody wanted to distribute the film, but it was a beautiful film. The last scene of the film was the shaadi ka scene. We did not have the budget for it. Arey mandap kaun banaayega. So we found an actual shaadi, hid behind the mandap, and when all the baraatis were gone, we ran in, took our shot and ran away like thieves. If you want to make something, believe in it! This is how we made one of India’s beloved films. If you have the art and you have the heart, anything is possible.”

“Had I not worked for Let’s Talk for a year and a half knowing that it was not going to release, I would have never gotten Munnabhai MBBS. Nothing is too small, everything is equal. The movie was made and released but it was a flop. First three days and nobody went to see the movie. I used to go to Maratha Mandir and I felt rotten that such a beautiful movie is not picking up pace. I came to the footpath and heard a voice, ‘maamu, neeche dekh’, a rugged lady sitting on the footpath. It was a review in a true Mumbaiya fashion and I was so kicked to hear it from that lady. ‘Maamu kya acting ki yaar tuney. Maamu hum log bahot paisa kamayenge.’ I asked, ‘hum kaise kamayenge?’ She said, ‘Main black ki ticket bechti hoon!! Yeh picture bahot chalegi’.”

“Today, I find great excitement in the work I do. And I am always reminded of that one five rupee note in the Taj ka folder. I hope to continue my job like that of my first.”